Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
