The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
