yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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