New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
