I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish i was in the wii world.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
