Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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