Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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