I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize