Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
