and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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