You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
