You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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