Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
