Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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