i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
