some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
