Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
