peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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