Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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