I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
