she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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