I need to stop coming to work sober
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
