Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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