When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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