Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
ok first of all what the fuck
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
