He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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