You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
