I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
