Porn is love you can see.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
