there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
