were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize