he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
