So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
