Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize