this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
