Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
