Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
