I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
