It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
