The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
