The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
