how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
