Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I stole a fireplace last night.
Found the puke drawer
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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