I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
