Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
