Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
