I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She needs sedatives and a leash
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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