So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
