and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
