you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
