I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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