It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
