I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
