don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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