Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
