it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
