No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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