take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
