Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize