Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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