Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
