how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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