any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
