This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
