the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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