Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she was so not down for the gang bang
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
