When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize