In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
