Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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