If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
