This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
