Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
